30.4.04

almost famous

For those of you who know me well, this should come as no surprise...

Click for the incriminating evidence

L'Esthete @ 16:31

28.4.04

it's that time again

The very sight of it scares me. It's enough to reduce me to tears.

It's the front page of the official University College London Examination Answer Book which requires 'candidates' to 'neatly complete' the blank spaces provided with their candidate identifier, seat number, course module code, course module name, date and time of examination, and other such wonderful details. That innocent piece of string sitting on that lonely desk brings back such terrible memories. If there's still one use left for string in the 21st century, it's in England. And it's used for tying a candidate's Answer Books together.

Oh yes - it's that lovely time again - examinations. Clearly the most inaccurate method of evaluating one's intelligence and yet the most preferred way of doing so. I am against methods of evaluation that put candidates through such trauma, but I have no choice but to succumb to this horror.

Social Statistics. Not the easiest course by any means and certainly not one that should be evaluated whilst under incredible pressure (ahem - 90% of degree assessment, anyone?). Negative standard errors? Regression estimators ('erm...what are those')? Optimal sample sizes of 711 million households (when the population only consists of six million households)?

Only in Social Stats, baby. Only in Social Stats.

L'Esthete @ 22:12

27.4.04

entish, anyone?

If I fall in the forest, do trees make noises?
Of course they do. They collectively murmur, 'You poor thing - are you hurt?' If you wait a few minutes, some of them may even help you back up by lending you a helping hand - er, branch. Don't be scared. They're only walking, talking trees, you know.

L'Esthete @ 15:17

26.4.04

more mail

As soon as I finished dealing with that woodchuck question, I received three more messages shortly thereafter.

If you were a butterfly caught in the vortex of a hurricane, what would you do?
I wonder what I could do. As a tiny butterfly in a massive hurricane, I think I'd die. Not that I wanted to, of course, but let me ask you something in return - would I have any other choice? Could I actually survive? The probability seems practically negligible.

Do you know the way to Mordor?
Lol. Assuming Mordor actually existed, I'd probably know the way - but I'd also be clever enough to stay the hell away!

What's your first exam and which day is it on? How goes the studying? Better than mine, I hope...
The first exam is Social Statistics, which is on Wednesday morning. As for the revision...I think the frequency and excess of these posts will give you an indication...

Signing off, for now.

L'Esthete @ 21:39

woodchucks, amongst other things

I received this question a few days ago in the question box.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
You guys kill me. I nearly died giggling as I read this one. I mean, of all questions to ask. I haven't had time to post, but the question was gnawing away at me (no pun intended) so here's my response.

This is a purely hypothetical question since it contains the word 'if'. If the woodchuck could actually chuck wood, then technically the question ought to read something like, 'How much wood does a woodchuck chuck, when a woodchuck chucks wood?' I'm going to be lazy about this, though, because there is another point I ought to raise - the fact that the word 'chuck' takes on two meanings. I don't know about you, but the British always refer to 'chuck' as in to 'toss' (no, not that toss - get your mind out of the gutter); i.e. 'Chuck this in the rubbish bin for me, will you?' I could simply say that woodchucks don't actually chuck - as in throw - wood. Woodchucks seem to be busy little creatures and I reckon they wouldn't normally be sat on top of their burrows randomly throwing wood around.

Right. So the question implies that woodchucks can actually chuck wood. How much can it chuck? What, you want me to get all mathematical about this? (Factor-label method, anyone?) Apologies but I am far too lazy. My answer is that a woodchuck can chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Now don't go asking me why she sells seashells by the seashore, alright?

Speaking of questions, some of my friends have been asking people to ask them three questions about anything they want, under the condition that they are totally honest about the answers. Some of the questions asked so far:

*The world will be ending in an hour. What are you doing right now?
*Would you rather lose the ability to laugh or the ability to see colour?
*If you could relive one day of your life without changing any of the events, which day would you choose? How willing are you to risk discovering that nostalgia has clouded the accuracy of your memories?
*If you were to identify that which makes you you, what characteristic would you describe? What uniqueness would people who know you say distinguishes you from others?

Bloody hell. How do you do it? How do you answer questions like these? It's just me, but these questions are way too personal for my liking. I'm extremely, extremely private. There is nothing I dislike more than being asked questions that cross my personal boundary of what I want people to know and what I want to remain a mystery. I admire you for being able to be completely open and answering every personal question that comes your way; it's something I could never do.

But if your question is about woodchucks...

L'Esthete @ 20:53

25.4.04

insomnia

I admit - I'm jetlagged. It's nearly 2 a.m. here and only 9 p.m. at home, and I'm wide awake.

Here's what you submitted in the feedback box today.

Bombardment! Bombardment!
Whoever sent this follows instructions very well. I specifically asked you all to 'bombard me with messages'. Brilliant. Pray continue.

Hey, just testing this out until I actually have something good to ask you. I'm too tired today to think (much less study, for that matter...). anyway, you probably will already be in London when you get this, so...hope your flight was good, and good luck on your exams, and see you soon! :)
A very nice message indeed. I wish I could get by with just 'luck' on my exams. Unfortunately, something similar to a miracle would be more appropriate...

How does this work?
I like this - ask if you don't know. I hope the captions on the box are more clear now. I am often gently reminded that I may know what I'm talking about, but everyone else may not, necessarily. In other words, if you would like to ask a question or get in contact, then this is what the box is there for. If you want me to get back to you privately, leave your e-mail address. All questions will be indulged.

Actually, this is a feedback box, so I don't technically have to ASK anything, but I feel like I should. Heh. So...just to start out, I can only think of 1 question: is there a particular song lyric that you really relate to?
Bloody hell! This requires far too much thought. It depends on what stage I'm at in my life. Very recently, it was Dido's White Flag. Right now? A response is forthcoming. It is now time to sleep.

Good night, world.

L'Esthete @ 01:45

terminal bliss

Toronto's new terminal building is gorgeous. Architecturally stunning, state-of-the-art, and otherworldly, it's a place you have to visit, just to see how it's built. You walk across pale green glass bridges and clear tiles and through expansive, open areas and down sun-drenched hallways. The roof seems impossibly high, curved, arched, touching blue skies above. It's space-age yet airy, with sunlight pouring in from floor-to-ceiling panes of glass. Brilliant graphics line the walls; tinted mobiles gently dangle from above. A massive, breathtaking aquarium filled with hundreds of softly shimmering, floating cubes, pushed along by currents of water, is mesmerising. It's sophisticated, sleek, minimalist - but never clinical. I only saw the departures level. I can't wait to see the arrivals level. If only Air Canada could have sorted its operations, I would have felt a lot more relaxed in a terminal meant to feel relaxing, instead of frantically trying to get from an entrance, through security, to a shuttle, and finding a gate, after queuing for kilometres and nearly missing my flight.

Things to remember next time:
1) Arrive seven hours early
2) Have the camera ready

I love night flights and seeing cities laid out against a velvety dark backdrop, lights gently shimmering and flickering in the distance like tiny diamonds. London is unseasonably warm for this time of year - 21C, even at night. This spells bad news in terms of revision. My room is comforting. It smells sweet and soft - powdery. Windows open, a warm, gentle breeze on my face - a sensation that has been missed during the long, dreary winter. I'm listening to the cars rushing by outside on Euston Road. The people across the alleyway have gone to sleep. Their windows are dark. It feels as if I never left.

L'Esthete @ 00:42

23.4.04

london calling

Soon it'll be that time again...catch you on the flip side.

L'Esthete @ 18:50

testing

As a pilot project, there is now a little feedback box in the right column for anonymous (if you so wish) input. Type your message, press 'plug in' and voila - I will receive your message instantly. In doing so, I've gotten rid of the 'Obsession' heading further down the column. Comments? Prefer it the old way? I invite you to test it out. Go ahead, bombard me with messages. Just not during exam time ;)

L'Esthete @ 15:41

22.4.04

too little, too late

Like the post below says, I really do have high standards. I expect a lot from people. But I have also come to discover that the more I expect from them, the more I am also greatly disappointed.

How do you know who your friends really are? I am fortunate that, for the most part, I have the greatest friends anyone could ask for. But there are others. What someone doesn't do says more about them than the things that they actually do. I feel restless these days. I'm discovering new things and certain parts of me that have been dormant for so long are beginning to take form again. Things are happening on a different plane. But this also means that I have increasingly little patience for those who seem lacklustre and uninteresting in comparison to these changes.

My relationship with certain people in my life has changed lately. I'm not sure how much longer I can accept personality or lack of time as excuses. If you don't care about someone, it's pretty bloody obvious.

On the other hand, there has been a change in my life that I'm happy with, and it's in reconnecting with family members with whom I have lost touch over so many years and for so many unjustified reasons. But it is with them that I have finally found an outlet - both creative and emotional - and my initial fear of reconnecting again and then being driven apart by differences seems to be unfounded. Could it be the start of something we've missed out on after so many years? My relationships with family right now is so...well...full. Rediscovering a person is like getting to know someone, someone you've never met before. Except in this case, it's different - you know them, but you're simply meeting again, many years later, with experiences behind you and enriching the other person's life because of them. And this combination of being both family and friend is so comforting. Richer than a normal friendship. So thanks. You know who you are.

But I'm still learning a difficult lesson. When it comes to other people, sometimes you have to lower your standards and accept people the way they are because they will never change. And the more you expect from these people, the more they will only disappoint and hurt you in the end. They do too little.

And far too late.

L'Esthete @ 15:09

21.4.04

deliberate brutal love dreamer

According to http://www.okcupid.com (thanks for the link, Susan), this is me:

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

Somehow I don't think this test is completely accurate. Alright, the first two-thirds is correct enough. As for the last paragraph........haha. Hahahaha.

L'Esthete @ 16:47

20.4.04

space dementia

Thanks to Matt Bellamy, I'm officially deaf.

Fun night with Kevin. Who knew that Muse rocks way, way harder than Metallica? Not a group, nor a gig, for the shy and mundane. Confusing, disorienting, intoxicating hysteria. Matt is psychotic. Distorted, intense, exaggerated, nightmarish, but all the better because of it.

We have reached critical mass. Get on your knees and pray.

L'Esthete @ 15:48

17.4.04

the small print

Kevin's thoughts, edited for typos and length. I'm like that.

Some people follow a path blindly 'cause it is already paved nicely. It's the path traveled by many before us and it tempts us with promises of a degree and thus a career and/or life. But what sort of journey is that? We are not all meant to walk the same path. Some of us make our own. And for those who do...you arrive at a place where no one's path even comes close. Your Eden.

I met two artists at York. Jeff (Film) and Adam (Fine Arts) and on behalf of them and myself I would like to address the non-FA kids who piss us off with their ignorance.

Okay...maybe I don't know about most FA kids, but I sure feel this way: I hardly think higher learning involves things such as the pursuit of economical gain and learning about anatomy. Although I totally respect these fields for what they do for humanity...I feel that a true contribution to humanity is on the plane of mind expansion, philosophical teachings and both micro and macroanalytical studies of both self and society. IT IS THE ARTS that make the world go round.

I wish I was more into writing. 'Cause if I was, I may be able to communicate this better. But I am a production's wannabe. Talk to Jeff, he'll tell you.

All I can say is, I think artists make the world a more interesting place. More so, than any politician, scientist or economist. Have a little more respect for us. We invest more than our time and money. We invest our mind, body and soul. We put it out on the line...we give and give and give in the hopes that we may have the chance to GIVE even more. Stress? We may not stress about exams like some fields of study...but try talking to us around March and April.

I will end with some ambiguous, hopelessly elusive comment: If the world ended tomorrow...and we needed to send someone into space...to escape the end of the world...we would send an artist.

True indeed. So as I'm sat here in front of textbooks full of numbers, in a room adorned with artwork and a desk littered with cameras, photos, drawings, journals, sketches, contemplating too many futures at once and fighting daily battles with my psyche, on a continent that seems to be a black hole for art and culture, I have to wonder what this all makes me, and makes those around me. What happens if you're both an artist and a scientist and you're eternally plagued by the conflict between the two? Don't tell me that there's a happy medium - there isn't one. I haven't yet met someone with the same problems. Those who claim they do have no idea how silly they look, proclaiming to be 'artists' (I suppose that if you're a bad artist, you're still an artist nonetheless, and I reckon that we all pursue what we each believe to be 'artistic perfection', but that doesn't make me respect you more). Stop pretending. Stop saying vaguely that you 'know how it feels'. To indulge your fantasies of 'knowing how it feels' I simply do what I always do in situations in which I completely disagree, but you're too dense to know it.

Weak smile. Nod. Silence.

I am a scientist with an artist's mind and temperament. Don't try to be me. Those who claim to 'know' me will be shocked to discover how much they have yet to learn. Don't try to understand me. You never will.

L'Esthete @ 14:12

15.4.04

music to my ears

Finally. After weeks of waiting, 102.1 The Edge has put me out of my misery. I WON MUSE TICKETS! I can't tell you how brilliant that was after a day of being disgustingly ill and then being woken up at an ungodly hour by a very inconsiderate (but adorable) dog this morning. Actually - I lied. My mum won tickets - because I entered for her (she refuses to go to the gig, though). Lol.

Yesterday - shopping + film with A. The shopping was good, but I have a terrible tendency not to buy anything when I actually need to. The film was great too - if only I hadn't been sick for most of it. I'll watch it again, but not in a cinema. I got through that experience because Elijah Wood was on screen. Brilliant concept for a film, though, from what I saw of it. And great to see A again. Suz should have been there too. Bloody exams. What are they good for, anyways?

Speaking of which, it's back to deriving the variance of an estimate of a ratio. Since when did ONE derivation take up more than an entire page of paper? Bloody hell. No dossing for me today...

L'Esthete @ 14:31

13.4.04

davinci smile

London's Institute of Physics has just reported the discovery of a second ghostly image of a man's face on the back of the Turin Shroud. Brilliant. I wonder if it's a hoax as critics believe. The last time something this interesting occurred was during an A&E programme reporting that the Mona Lisa was actually a self-portrait of the artist himself. Through detailed analysis of the painting, it was discovered that Mona Lisa's bone structure was extremely similar - if not an exact representation of - DaVinci's. The mystery continues.


L'Esthete @ 17:41

11.4.04

off to the races

I saw Seabiscuit the other day and was blown away. It's not a film that glues you to your seat because of special effects or overrated technical wizardry. Seabiscuit is pure, quiet, and emotional - an old-fashioned film that takes you on the same sort of journey that films like Apollo 13 do. Each cast member seems tailor-made for their role here. Jeff Bridges plays the quintessential American entrepreneur with heart. Tobey Maguire turns his Johnny 'Red' Pollard into an angry, feisty, poetry-spouting yet altogether fragile young jockey with talent to burn. William H. Macy's hilarious sportscaster nearly steals the show but it's Chris Cooper's subtly electric performance as a gentle horse trainer that really shines. The pacing is slow, especially in the first half hour, but sit for a little longer and your patience will be rewarded. The cinematography is beautiful and once the film really gets going, you'll be off to the races indeed.

L'Esthete @ 15:31

9.4.04

visual stimulation

Cheers to the designer of this lovely image:



I guess I have no excuse but to stick to this blogging business then...

L'Esthete @ 15:57

8.4.04

luca brasi sleeps with the fishes

Here is a survey (stolen) from my best friend's blog. I wonder if it's safe to assume that she won't mind...

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says:
'...The second scatter plot (Figure 2.10) shows the reported GPAs of the students plotted...'

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
My exam schedule. I think it's trying to tell me something

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Last night's news

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:
11:32

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
11:32...creepy

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
Fran Healy

7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Last night, coming home from dinner

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My best friend's blog

9: What are you wearing?
White terrycloth sweatpants, a pale blue cashmere jumper, and white ballet slippers

10: Did you dream last night?
No

11: When did you last laugh?
When I was on the phone just now

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
My artwork

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
No, but I've read and heard weird things

14: What do you think of this quiz?:
Better than revising

15: What is the last film you saw?:
Cinema - The Return of the King (3rd time - pathetic); airplane - The Human Stain; DVD - Shrek

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
A black and white Gucci tote. Hey, you asked

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
That I have a huge, unhealthy interest in organised crime, i.e. the Mafia

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
I'd remove one part of the world that's causing more problems than anywhere else. Wankers

19: Do you like to dance?:
Yes

20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?:
I'm not sure if he needs to do what he's been doing, but what else can he possibly do?

21a: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
I don't know

21b: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
William or Daniel

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
YES. I am already living abroad. But for the long-term, YES

L'Esthete @ 16:28

7.4.04

never say never

Here I am, desperately needing to revise for exams, and what do I do? Start publishing a blog - something I swore I'd never do. Never say never, I suppose.

To be honest, I have issues about people reading this online 'diary' of sorts - people I don't know, people I don't like, and especially those who know enough about me than they ever need to. So if you don't know who I am, or haven't a clue what I'm talking about, let's just keep it that way, shall we?

Watch this space for further enlightenment...

L'Esthete @ 05:19