say something - anything
Why are people so selfish?It has become so apparent to me that many people in my life have increasingly little regard or concern for people they supposedly 'care' about. I posted a similar topic about this awhile ago about certain friends who disappoint me, and this has only become more obvious as the month wore on.
Don't get me wrong - I love my friends, and I will be forever loyal to them, but it also appears as though I will be forever disappointed by them. Do I want to subject myself to that? Those who have taken the time to get to know me, always remark that I am one of the most giving and soft-hearted people they know. This means a lot to me and it's something I'm very proud of - being able to give friends as much as I can. But this can also be a very thankless and frustrating job.
I have friends who I haven't spoken to in ages, and who don't care about how I'm doing (strangely enough, I'm always the one having to e-mail them first). There are friends who refer to themselves as 'close' friends of mine - and yet only talk to me on MSN if I have a screen name that somehow manages to pique their interest. I have friends who are well aware of the stress I've been under for the past month, and who haven't asked a single question about how my exams have gone. I have friends who couldn't care less about what I'm doing this summer or what's happening in my life. Do they ask? Ever? No. Incredible. The other day, a friend signed into Messenger, wrote me a message saying 'Hahaha! I've finished exams! You haven't right? I don't have to think about exams anymore! HA!', and then promptly signed out before I could respond, and without even bothering to ask whether I've managed to get through sitting four exams in a row, intact. (If I got the chance to respond, mind you, I would have written, 'That's nice. So what are you getting up to tonight then, you little twat?') There are friends who I've never heard utter a simple 'How are you?' (Right, I forgot - it takes too many breaths to utter three syllables.) In short, most people I know (should I start putting 'friends' in quotes?) love to talk about themselves and themselves only. I've gotten used to indulging that behaviour, and I ought to get even more used to being the one who's always having to ask the questions and putting all of my strength and energy into relationships. Normally, I don't mind, but right now - when I've got a lot on my mind and am terribly exhausted - I don't think I'm asking too much to want to be able to talk to someone and feel as if these people called 'friends' actually warrant being called friends. This is taxing. 'Lack of time' is yet another overused excuse. I try so hard, and always endeavour to give 110% of myself to my friends, often only to be bitterly disappointed in the end. I have had enough.
There are exceptions - the precious few who aren't like this at all and to them I will be forever grateful - so thanks. Apologies for the nature of this post. I'm just hoping that someone out there is listening. Anyone.
L'Esthete @ 23:14
