on my mind
I had a conversation with my mum last night that did not go very well. Actually, to be more accurate, I really ought not to call it a 'conversation', for it was not a conversation at all. I listened as she directed an hour and a half of criticism at me, delivered at varying volumes, but all on the upper end of the decibel range. I said very, very little in return. I do not know which is worse - to keep things bottled up, or to try to convince someone who absolutely refuses to be convinced. I chose the former, but it hurt. It would be naive of me to think that just because I'm an ocean away, these things won't happen. Very unfortunately, they do.What was said brought to light some of the very issues I'm dealing with now and distorted them beyond all reason or recognition. Relationships - platonic, parental, romantic, what have you - are extremely difficult to navigate, and this is precisely where our views on what approaches should be taken are so fundamentally different. Love or friendship cannot always be equated with trust or understanding. Yes, in ideal situations, equating these factors is natural. However, as well as you might think you know someone, it is often very difficult to be sure of whether you truly know them. I've said it before, but I'll say it again: it might take years to build up trust, but it takes only seconds to break it.
This brings me onto another topic, which is wholly and completely unrelated to the row between my mum and I. For a long time I've kept this website unknown to all but those currently reading its pages. Unless I voluntarily gave someone its address, or the site was stumbled upon inadvertently in other ways, it was highly unlikely that one would have known of its existence. Some people undoubtedly wonder why it has been kept as such a private affair. The answer is this - a glimpse into my little world, as small and insignificant as it might be, is, to me, actually rather sacred.
It would be nice if things like that didn't matter. But they inevitably do.
L'Esthete @ 21:23
