and the oscar goes to...
I don't usually watch the Oscars for the award-giving - I watch them more to drool at stunning dresses, or snigger and giggle at those who have fallen victim to vengeful stylists. The dresses this year - and much like the ceremony itself, from what I've read - were rather...bleh. No outfits stood out as being exceptionally snigger-worthy, although many came close:The Bad
Hilary Swank's severe, deep blue Guy Laroche looked lovely from the back and the side, but from the front...whoa. Too much fabric, too high of a neckline, and too little tit tape. Was it chilly that evening, Hilary?
The pale yellow Valentino that Cate Blanchett wore could have been alright - on someone else. 1) It matched her hair. Perfectly. 2) Yellow and burgundy do not match. 3) Yellow, burgundy and orange lipstick really do not match. I don't care if you're Cate Blanchett or not, but orange lipstick seldom looks flattering on a sizeable proportion of the population.
As for Gisele Bundchen's empire waisted billowy white dress - I'm astounded. How did she manage to nick my bedsheets and turn them into a dress? Even I don't have that sort of talent.
Renee Zellweger is starting to remind me of a geisha, or Santa's helper gone terribly wrong. A meal or two wouldn't hurt either - shoulder bones like that could cut glass.
Speaking of meals, Renee ought to share a burger or two with Emmy Rossum, whose dress epitomised 'meh'. A coat of lipstick might have livened up her face, but that might be asking too much.
Laura Linney, whom I've always thought to be rather dowdy, did nothing to prove me wrong. It looked like she'd nicked her dress from Bjork, and put it together herself. This is not a good thing.
I look forward to Gwyneth Paltrow's Oscar fashion disasters year after year, and, needless to say, she did not disappoint. The dress is clearly meant for a woman of more, ahem, sizeable assets, which Gwyneth is not known for. Emphasising the concavity of one's chest is not usually a flattering look.
What on earth happened, Charlize Theron? Didn't anyone inform you that it is not attractive to resemble a wedding cake? Too much tulle, too many layers, too sickly sweet. Ick.
And pssst - someone do tell Drew Barrymore that the Morticia Adams look is hardly a flattering one.
The Better
Kate Winslet's blue Bagdley Mischka stood out in a sea of greys, beiges, and nudes. However, I do have a complaint - the hair (too high school prom).
A young lady who almost never disappoints is Natalie Portman. Her Grecian-inspired dress was delicate, and its colour was unusual and flattering. A lovely choice for a lovely woman. But the headband/tiara was utterly unnecessary.
Salma Hayek's navy blue Prada was suitably sexy, as was the hair and makeup. However, I've seen just about as much of Salma's breasts as I've seen of my own. (Then again, if you had a body like hers, you'd probably want to show it off too.)
I do not find blondes attractive. But Scarlett Johansson is one of the prettiest young women in Hollywood today, and if I were a lesbian, I'd have a crush on her. (Actually, I do have a crush on her, but that's another story altogether.) I'm not sure what she was thinking on Oscar night, however. The dress was classy (an adjective not normally associated with young women in Hollywood), but the frizzy poodle hair? No.
The Best
I'm not so sure about the hair extensions, but Halle Berry once again looked stunning in her Atelier Versace one-shouldered dress. Its colour - a medium mocha - was stunning, as was the contrast and fluidity of satin against chiffon, embellished by subtle shimmery beading.
Kirsten Dunst's black Chanel with its sheer lace neckline was to die for, and she had the best hair at the Oscars. Simple, young, classy and chic. An unbeatable combination, really.
But if there's a dress I'd love to own, it would have to be queen of indie-chic Maggie Gyllenhaal's stunning nude Prada with its gold sequinned waistband. She looked regal, tailored, and very classy. Loved the look.
And the Oscar goes to...
Right, then. End of bitch-fest.
Worst dress: Charlize Theron
Best dress: Maggie Gyllenhaal/Kirsten Dunst
L'Esthete @ 02:33
