when it rains...
...it pours. And does it ever.I feel like some higher power is giving me a test - testing my ability to get through these final weeks leading up to my exams. I don't think I have ever had a worse two weeks than this. My actuarial exam last week was average at best - I do have a decent chance of doing better than I thought, but I don't like feeling so 'on the fence' about it. Now I have to sit and wait (and I hate waiting) for the results to be released. A day after my exam I had an intensive week-long university assessment due. How I managed to sit an actuarial exam and get that nightmare of an assignment completed merely a day apart, I have no idea. Let's just say that it probably didn't exactly involve much sleep.
It shocks me a little to say this, but my final Oxford exams are being sat in just over a week's time. I feel as though I know nothing. I haven't got a single formula or concept memorised. The amount of material that we are required to know is absolutely astounding that I am merely trying to get through it all once, never mind understand any of it. I reckon that it's my own bloody fault for not starting the revision earlier, but at the same time, to expect us to know that much is insanity. It is simply not possible. I'm being pushed to the limit and perhaps this is a test on more than one level: mentally, psychologically, and physically. I don't think I've slept well for over a month with everything floating around in my mind. (I've also managed, on top of everything else, to convince myself that I am going to fail my exams, and hence will not be able to graduate.) At the beginning of the week I was called for a job interview; two days later I was called again for a second-round interview (it happened today in London); and when I got home this evening I received an email from yet another company wanting to interview me - four days from now. I suppose I ought to be pleased about this. Don't get me wrong, for indeed I am - it just couldn't have come at a worse time.
This week my body gave up on me and broke out into hives, the same sort that I had (only much worse last time) in November, as a result of (presumably and unsurprisingly) stress. They've calmed down now but I'm keeping a nervous watch on them. It's the last thing that I want to deal with right now but it's a vicious cycle really - the more stress I have, the more my body reacts, and the worse it gets.
I know that I must sound exceedingly dull these days. But I shall endeavour to do this: when I'm finished with all of my work, at some point or another, I am going to go out and get completely, totally, utterly, absolutely, and fabulously smashed. This isn't a promise of course, but I might have some better stories to tell afterwards...
L'Esthete @ 21:13
