soul searching
Am I getting stupider by the day, or what? (Don't answer that.) Last night I unknowingly set my alarm for 8:30 (pm - such a clever thing to do), and only managed to make it to my thesis meeting because someone had texted me this morning, thus waking me up. At that moment I had grumpily thought 'What idiot could possibly be texting me this early in the morning?!' Then I had a good long stare at the clock, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and realised that it was actually 09:37 and I had exactly 23 minutes to get dressed, eat breakfast, and get my arse over to the meeting. I made it in time - thanks to that text.I did not get very much sleep last night, because I was doing a lot of thinking. I realised many things, above all that I can do better. It takes two to tango, and I had put far more into a potential relationship than the other person deserved. Relationships might take work but they should not have to require the amount of effort that I exhausted myself putting in. Like so many people were trying to tell me - he simply happened to be at the right place in the right time, filling a temporary void in my life. Finding out what I found out alleviated most, if not all, of my stress related to the matter. I hope he's well, I do not regret what happened, and if he should come to his senses - well, it is in my nature to be forgiving. But my part in this is truly over. And when I did fall asleep last night, I was finally happy.
Tonight my friends and I are meeting for dinner and a showing of Meet the Fockers (we could all do with some comic relief at the moment, however crass and silly it might be). Following that - a tipple or two to celebrate D's last round of job interviews. I'm looking forward to tonight. I've needed this for a long, long time.
L'Esthete @ 15:00
