santamuse's personalised, interactive xmas greeting
Over the past few years, you will inevitably have observed a surge in the popularity of the e-Christmas card, or reindeer spam. You may even have resorted to it. The spam card constitutes a wonderfully efficient means of conveying your genuine, personal esteem and best wishes to a prodigiously large group of acquaintances. This can be done with minimal effort and concentration, generally, by ticking a number of boxes in your address book. The key idea is automisation.
Despite its instant appeal, Christmas spam has some drawbacks. It tends to leave the recipient unmoved. The words of seasonal love and affection found in Christmas spam e-mail are felt to be diluted in proportion to the list of the addressees that precede it. In some cases the card may actually invoke resentment, according to the recipient's personality or social beliefs. The card is simply a reminder that the sender is unable or unwilling to make the sincere personal connections expected of him/her at this time of year. In short, that they deviate from basic human adequacy.
In line with these risks I have devised a template for Christmas spam that incorporates many of the above lessons. In essence, we take Automation and add Delegation (the 'AD method', in a more-than-convenient analogy to AD Disorder). In short, the method requires that the recipient is empowered; that they actively cooperate with the sender in wording the message. I believe that you will find this of use in future years. Note that it can be easily modified for other group e-mail purposes, such as the announcement of deaths, births and circumcisions.
Dear [please insert some term of affection by which you are now or have been known to me. If I have never displayed any overt affection to you, insert your full first name, with a 'y' or 'i' appended on the end],
How is little [insert the name of your young child, pet, or lover (if you do not have any of these, or if I am either your child or your lover, please delete this line altogether)]?
It seems such a long time since we have met up. Another whole year has passed already!
I am fine and working hard. We must meet in the new year for a drink.
Have a very happy Christmas, and send my love to [insert the name(s) of any mutual friends]. I do miss them terribly and at this time of year have fond memories of [insert an enjoyable shared experience].
Yours
SantaMuse
*****
J, you are absolutely brilliant. Cheers.
L'Esthete @ 11:20
